My private thoughts

To share with my Daddy:)

July 2nd 2013

Last night Daddy and I had dinner together alone!!!!  this is not usual so I enjoyed this time with him immensely:)  We shortly had the baby back and our evening was a pretty normal one!  Sitting around with Daddy having a few drinks and chatting away:)  I love spending all of my time with him!  I never grow tired of Daddy’s company:)

Playing with the baby and getting him ready for bed has become a good time for all of us!!  Daddy was surprised when the baby kissed him last night and what was even more cute was when Daddy allowed the second kiss!! Love this:)

Now this is where things get foggy!  After a few drinks I seem to loose some of the night!  I know Daddy and I were cuddling and somehow it turned into Daddy fucking his little girl:)!!!!!  I love when Daddy surprises me with playtime:)  I was not aware of time passing!  The way Daddy talks to his little girl sometimes makes me think too much!  I don’t know where 12 is coming from but I guess I will have to think about that one!

Daddy was playing with my happy button and making me feel like I was going to explode!  it was hard for me to let go and have an orgasm!  (prolly bc of the drinks) but Daddy knew what to do!  He got out the happy stick and and pushed it onto my happy button while he fuck me hard with his fingers!  I reached out for him but he wanted my concentration on myself!  Sometimes Daddy surprises me like this!!!! He pushed me to an amazing orgasm!  I always have the best orgasms with Daddy! There is something about him that makes my girly parts go crazy:)

Thanks for taking such good care of me last night, and always Daddy:)

Love

me

June 28th 2013

Just a bunch of my random thoughts today!  I know a bit jumbled but thats how I feel!  

Things have been different with Daddy lately!  A very good kind of different!  He has been opening his emotions toward me and letting me know how deeply he loves me!  Also showing me and taking better care of me:)  He has been very sweet and caring!  A side he has been hiding from me!  everyday I find myself falling deeper and deeper in love with him!  I am learning more and more about Daddy!

This week has been very depressing!  Last night my talk with Daddy has made me feel a little better about our situation!  I am so happy to hear that he is willing to make sacrifices for us to be together!  I just want him to achieve his goals too!  I don’t want him to move away but if he does we will work everything out:) I know we are both capable of making things work and together we should be unstoppable!

I find myself wondering sometimes why I am different than all the others!  I know I am unique!  I know I am special!  don’t think I have the confidence that I should have!  I have never given myself to someone so completely and I believe I am learning to be more comfortable with myself!  I don’t believe Daddy would do anything to hurt me!  I believe him when He tells me He has not!  but the insecurity comes from within me!  I need to build more confidence in myself!  I think that would help me most of all!

I am more committed to Daddy everyday and I would never do anything to hurt him!  I will only support him and help him to become what he desires! I will do anything for you Daddy!!!!

Love 

me

May 31st 2013

Last night was a little rocky!  Daddy and I don’t always see eye to eye:( but I think we are on the right track and healing some wounds we both have! Rebuilding trust, love and acceptance is moving forward:)  It may be uncomfortable at times but I am more than willing to create a better space for both of us:)

After a long uncomfortable talk and lots of cuddling, Daddy and I got ready for bed last night:)  I feel an unexplainable feeling that wells up within my chest when Daddy and I are close!  Its a feeling that no words could ever explain!  My heart just feels radiant and full when I am in his arms being held tightly to his heart:)

Cuddles turned into playtime with Daddy:)  Daddy took me to places last night that this little girl has ever been! He start off slow and steadily sliding his cock in my wet pussy!  This felt so good that soon my pussy was dripping wet!  I have been missing Daddy’s cock inside me!  His cock inside me was quickly driving me to orgasm as he started playing with my clit:) I was instantly on the edge of an orgasm:) Daddy please can I cum? Please Daddy?  Yes little girl you can!!:)  That was it!  I came hard:)

Laying in front of Daddy with my legs open wide driving deep inside me! I crave it and my body was handling it better than it has been recently!  His cock thrusting harder inside me was driving me insane!  My body was asking for it!  Then Daddy surprised me with another!  He went down to taste me and was licking my happy button and finger fucking me! OMG!  I was there again!  Daddy I want to cum again! Yes little one!  Cum!  And I did stronger than the last!  This happened 4 or 5 or 6! time I lost count!

Each one of my orgasms felt stronger than the last!  I did not know my body was capable of this type of pleasure!  My legs were trembling and they were open wide while Daddy kept thrusting my dripping wet pussy!  He said how good my pussy feels and I exclaimed because Daddy you are making it sooooooo wet!  giggle giggle:)

The final one!  Daddy got me on my knees!  He told me he wants me to play with my happy button while he drives deep inside of me from behind!  And I was on the edge for awhile!  Daddy said he wanted to cum with his little girl so rub it good:)  OK:)  I am Daddy!  He then pulls out started stimulating my ass with his tongue and pushing his fingers into my wetness! OMG Daddy!  Omg!  He slides his cock back into me and works his thumb slowly into my tight ass and I am there!  I say I am going to cum if you fuck me hard Daddy:)  And boy oh boy Did I cum!  I had an orgasm like never before!  I cant believe my body was capable of this amazing feeling:)  I was a quivering twitching mess!  The absolute most amazing sensation I have ever experienced in my life! ( thank you Daddy)

After I was laying on Daddy’s chest breathing very hard and slowly turning into a sob!  I was having a complete breakdown of pure emotion!  I was not crying, but I was!  I could not hold it in!  As I lay on the bed I was trying to feel anything in my body but I could not!  My whole entire body was numb!  Completely numb:)  After awhile of silence just laying there I said to Daddy I cant feel anything at all!  Nothing I am completely numb and motionless!  Daddy and I chuckled about it, cuddled tightly and I drifted off to sleep with a perfect smile on my face:)

Thank you so much Daddy!  You made your little girl feel so good last night!  and you are so right!  When we are close together nothing else matters!  Everything is absolutely perfect when we are together as one:)

Love,

me

May 28th 2013

I cant believe its been more than a week since my last post!  I was really busy with work over the weekend and I promise to be more regular with my journal:)

Mom is really driving me nuts today!  All her stress is being thrown my way:(  I really hope that once the studio is opened she will practice regularly to calm her down!  I am being pulled in so many directions trying to make everyone happy and I am the one who is feeling all of the stress!

Ive been on the phone all morning making steps forward getting this business off the ground and dealing with the stress ball called MOM!  So the rest of the day will be clear and focused on moving forward and getting it done:)

I am going to set the intention of peace and tranquility for the rest of my day!  

Healing was slow but I think I am almost there:)

Daddy is back and I could not be happier:)  I feel closer to him now more than ever before!  We have been through a lot and I love him with all my heart<3  Our weekend was very relaxing and I loved every minute I got to spend with him:)

Always looking forward to seeing Daddy after work:)

Love 

me

May 20th 2013

Yay for new beginnings:)

Long before I knew you were my Daddy you were my mentor my teacher and my guide through this journey we have had together!  That is Why Daddy was the obvious choice:)  I know it has been new for you as it has for me:)  I love you with all my heart:)

I may not have earned the privilege of calling you Daddy again but I do appreciate the leap of faith you have taken:)  I promise to do my best to be a good girl for you:)

Love 

me

May 16th 2013

I will start by saying I am laying no blame on anyone or anything in this post!  I am simply stating my feelings:)  Please make no judgements?  This may be the most difficult post I have ever written!  

He has been asking me what is wrong for days now!  I have been doing a lot of thinking!

I have not been acting like myself.  I have been trying to watch everything I have been saying!  editing everything before it comes out of my mouth so that has made me pretty quiet!  I was told I come off as a know-it-all!  So I have been keeping extra quiet around him! Not on purpose but this just happens through the editing.  I even find myself doing this when he is not around!  For what it is worth I have had the privilege in my life to have many experiences!  My life has been a menagerie of different types of life lessons!  I may not have a degree in any certain subject but I am proud to have small bits of knowledge of many subjects:)  I have been extra quiet and not sharing everything I know because I thought that was what he wanted?

I feel insecure sometimes with our relationship!  I trust him completely!  I don’t feel like He has been unfaithful or anything like that but there has been a breakdown of trust in our relationship!  I am not talking about the most recent big fuck up I did!  I am talking in general!  I feel like he hides me from his life!  His friends!  I feel like he may not be proud to call me his!  I am having a hard time explaining so I will give and example!  He had a wedding to go to!  He asked me if I wanted to go them immediately said he was trying to get out of it!  Now this made me feel like maybe he is proud! Or maybe he wants to get out of it bc he doesn’t want to take me? I guess we will see if he takes me? He did decline the invitation and I felt ok about it bc he said we would go somewhere ourselves!  Just us!  I think thats cool at least we will go out somewhere!  Then a few days before I was completely crushed and I could not even put it in words to tell him!  He said he wanted to cook me dinner at his place and stay in!  Well that was a totally different plan!  I felt that he has been trying to hide me or something!  It made me ask myself many questions!  was not proud to be in public with me? Is he ashamed to be with me? Am I not good enough for him? If I am not good enough for him I need to know so I can make changes if possible:)

But I fucked that whole scenario up (of having dinner and staying in) because I got drunk the night before and was a total idiot! Now you may be asking yourself did she lash out because of these repressed feelings!  the answer is I have no way to tell you because I dont remember a minute of it!

Recently I have been quite unhappy bc I don’t feel like I can talk to him about everything!  I feel a lot of guilt about the way I acted toward him!  I deserve to feel guilty and It should no be his problem to fix!  It was caused by me!  I am not putting blame on anyone but myself!  I should have never acted this way and I am surprised that I did!  I should have been honest with him about my feelings bc he can not read my mind!

My playful side has been squashed!  This has been a new problem!  I have called him Daddy since almost the beginning of our relationship and I am not allowed to at this time!  Not until he is comfortable with it!  I have understood this and respected it completely!  Not being able to call him Daddy has made my little girl run and hide!  I cant find her!  I have tried desperately hard and I have not succeeded in finding the happiness inside me:(  I know she is there!  I know she will come back when she feels comfortable and safe again:)

I want to state again!  I am not putting blame on anyone!  Just the way I feel about things that have happened!  I want to put all of this behind us

Love

me

May 14th 2013

I have not posted in awhile so Im here to say HI!  I don’t really know what else to post!

I feel like times will get better!  I will do my part to get life back to normal:) that means back to how life is normal for me:)(: lol  

I know I am far from normal:)  And I like it:)

Love

me

May 8th 2013

I just feel totally lost:( lost in a place I have never been! How could I create such a total mess of my life!  so sad I am even crying in my sleep!   

Me

May 8th 2013

I am trying my hardest to be happy!  This is a difficult struggle!  I have been very sad straight to the core of my being!

He said I was crying in my sleep last night!  I believe it!  I have been so sad without my Daddy!  I do believe I deserve to be sad:(  I deserve whatever punishment he feels is necessary:(  I feel like this little girl inside me is breaking apart!  She needs her Daddy again:)

I will do anything to make up for my mistakes!  I will do anything to make this up to him:) 

Love,

me

May 6th 2013

I never thought I would be in this situation:(  I have made a terrible mistake and I can not think of any way to fix it:(

I was asked to act normal!  Ive been trying to but how do I act normal when I can to do the normal things that I do?  I don’t know how but I am trying my best!  I have lost the privilege of calling him My Daddy!  this is the most difficult thing of all:(  I slipped last night and I was forgiven!  I can only hope that I will be forgiven for my actions!  I can only hope that i can receive his trust again!  I can only hope that I will have my Daddy back once again:)

I keep trying to remember what happened that night but my mind is a complete blank!  I wish I knew what happened I wish I could mend the pain I have caused:(

What has caused me to lash out at the man I love sooooooo much!  who has helped me though so many things that I have bottled up for years!  the only way I can explain my actions is alcohol mixed with many strong feelings of hurt by others in my past!   I do not believe I was lashing out at him!  but I did!  I do believe in my alcohol blacked out state I was lashing out at all of the pain that I have experienced in my past and was not directly directed at the one standing in front of me!

I am not trying to excuse my actions! There is no excuse for my actions at all!  I am only trying to understand what in the world could make me act so out of character?  I am going to make the changes necessary within myself to change the path I have in front of me:)  I am not going to allow myself to go backward into my past anymore!  I am done with the past running my future!  I am done with the pain I have felt in my past influencing my decisions now and in my future:)

I can promise that this behavior he witnessed will never ever happen again!  I can promise that i will never let myself go to the point that I can not control my actions!  

I love my Daddy with all of my heart I just hope that one day I can call him my Daddy again:)

Love 

me